When growth mindset backfires: Navigating feedback at work

Dr. Laura Wu, a senior internal medicine resident, has earned a reputation for her sharp diagnostic skills and compassionate patient care. She’s often praised for her meticulous work, growth mindset, and thoughtful bedside manner. So when her attending tells her, “You’re doing great, but you spend way too much time on routine cases—try to triage and trust the team more,” the feedback hits hard.

Laura spirals into self-doubt: “They think I’m a weak link. I need to prove I can handle everything myself.” Determined to “fix” the problem, she skips breaks, stays late, takes on others’ tasks, and avoids asking for support. Her notes get shorter, her sleep worsens, and she starts making small but concerning documentation mistakes. Her team notices she’s withdrawn, moody, and no longer part of their usual lunch crew.

Sound familiar? Many high-achieving professionals pride themselves on being coachable. But while adapting to feedback can reflect a growth mindset, sometimes it’s driven by something else entirely—people-pleasing. In Laura’s case, the shift wasn’t rooted in thoughtful learning, but in fear and self-criticism.

In this post, we’ll explore how to tell the difference between growth mindset and people-pleasing when you’re responding to workplace feedback—and how to manage your emotions using an Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) approach.

Growth mindset vs. people-pleasing: What’s the difference?

The term growth mindset comes from psychologist Carol Dweck’s research (e.g., Dweck, 1986; Dweck & Leggett, 1988; Dweck, 2006; Yeager & Dweck, 2012) on motivation and learning. It refers to the belief that skills and intelligence can be developed through effort, feedback, and persistence, not just innate talent. A growth mindset embraces challenge and views mistakes as part of the learning process.

But growth mindset doesn’t mean blindly accepting all criticism or working harder no matter the cost.

People-pleasing—also known in research as sociotropy—involves altering your behavior to avoid conflict and gain approval, often at your own expense. Studies show that people-pleasing tendencies are linked to excessive self-criticism, anxiety, and emotional suppression (Briggs, Cheek, & Buss, 1980; Beck, Epstein, & Harrison, 1983; Tariq et al., 2021).

And here’s the tricky part: on the surface, people-pleasing can look like growth mindset. You’re taking feedback! You’re making changes! You seem so adaptable! But the motivation is different. Growth mindset is about self-directed improvement; people-pleasing is about fear of disappointing others.

Key differences:

• Growth mindset is fueled by curiosity, agency, and a desire to grow.

• People-pleasing is driven by fear, shame, and a need for validation.

Laura didn’t reflect on what the feedback actually meant. She heard “too slow = not good enough” and responded by working herself into exhaustion, something research has linked to burnout and performance decline.

Why it matters: The emotional and professional costs

It’s not just semantics. Confusing growth mindset with people-pleasing has real consequences.

Studies have found that people with strong approval-seeking tendencies are more prone to anxiety and depression (e.g., Fresco et al., 2001), and that chronic people-pleasing at work often leads to emotional exhaustion, difficulty setting boundaries, and impaired leadership potential. It can also make feedback feel threatening rather than helpful.

Women, in particular, are often socialized to prioritize others’ needs and harmony in the workplace, and this has been shown to contribute to wage gaps and under-promotion (Kückelhaus & Blickle, 2025).

Internally, the disconnect between external success and inner insecurity can show up as imposter syndrome. You’re “performing” growth but not feeling grounded in your values. Over time, that disconnect can erode your confidence and job satisfaction.

How to tell which one you’re operating from

To figure out whether you’re responding from a place of growth mindset or people-pleasing, slow down and reflect on what’s going on beneath the surface.

• Growth mindset emotions: Curiosity, empowerment, confidence, calm

• People-pleasing emotions: Fear, anxiety, guilt, dread

Also pay attention to the behaviors:

• Are you thoughtfully implementing feedback, or are you overcompensating?

• Are you engaging with your team, or are you isolating and avoiding help?

• Are your actions values-driven, or are they driven by a desire to prove your worth?

Try asking yourself:

• What’s motivating me to change?

• Is this aligned with who I want to be?

• Am I acting intentionally or reactively?

Being honest with yourself doesn’t mean the feedback was bad, or that you’re bad at receiving it. It just means you’re giving yourself space to respond with clarity rather than panic.

How to manage emotions and respond intentionally

Let’s be real. Feedback is uncomfortable, especially when you’re a high achiever. But with ACT-informed tools, you can make room for discomfort and choose actions that reflect your values (not your fears).

Notice, name, and neutralize your inner experience.

• Label the self-critical thought: “I’m having the thought that I’m not good enough.”

• Imagine placing that thought on a leaf in a stream, a cloud in the sky, or a suitcase on a conveyor belt—just passing by.

Let discomfort exist without letting it steer you.

• Acknowledge the anxiety (“There’s that ‘I have to prove myself’ story again”) and gently return to your body—stretch, drink water, ground your feet.

• The goal isn’t to feel amazing; it’s to stay connected to what matters.

Reconnect with your values.

• Ask: What kind of colleague/leader/clinician do I want to be, even when things get tough?

• Your values are your north star. Use them to guide how you respond to feedback, not just how fast you respond to it.

Take intentional action.

• This might mean asking for clarification on the feedback.

• It could also mean saying no to unnecessary changes, or advocating for your own needs.

• The more you act from your values, the less power your fears have.

Practical tips for the workplace

To make this work more tangible, try these strategies:

• Feedback pause ritual: Before reacting, take three deep breaths to check in with your emotions and intentions.

• Feedback journal: Keep track of feedback you receive, your emotional responses, and how you chose to respond.

• Role-play assertiveness: Practice challenging conversations with a peer, coach, or therapist.

• Values check-in: Revisit your professional values weekly or monthly. Are your current behaviors aligned with them?

Conclusion

Not all feedback-driven change is rooted in growth. Sometimes it’s reflexive people-pleasing in disguise. When you learn to tell the difference, you not only protect your energy. You also set yourself up for deeper growth and resilience.

With ACT-based tools, you can hold space for uncomfortable emotions, return to your values, and respond in ways that honor both your goals and your humanity.

If you’re working through feedback anxiety or perfectionism at work and want support untangling people-pleasing from genuine growth, I’m here to help. Feel free to reach out for a free consultation.